When you pity sick people, you disempower them (including yourself). A young girl with Cystic Fibrosis understood this very well. She knew she would be sick for the rest of her life, but she didn’t let that stop her. Instead, she used her understanding and passion to help others.
If she can do it, so can you! Believe it.
No matter what your situation or your past, you can turn it around and live more fully right now, right where you are. This might mean adding a couple throw pillows to your couch, or writing a love note on your mirror to remind you that you are beautiful or capable.
Sometimes survivors don’t even take proper care of themselves with a decent haircut, a visit to the dentist, or even just taking a shower regularly.
Being kind, gentle and considerate to yourself (and others) makes a difference. Sprucing up your space makes a difference. Reading a book makes a difference. Eating when you are hungry makes a difference.
Some of these things sound like basic tasks that most people take for granted. But as a survivor, you might just be the person that doesn’t prioritize these basic tasks.
I’m not saying our choices are always due to self-pity, but if yours are… Stop it! Stop pitying others who are in hardship and certainly stop pitying yourself. It is hard to have goals or experience a life that is fulfilling if you spend your time mired in a pity party. There is no lower energy. Even anger and sadness are less debilitating.
So if you are stuck in self-pity, self-loathing, or even just not prioritizing your needs properly, what’s the best way to break the cycle?
Take some small action.
Try something you’ve been wanting to do. Go to a movie by yourself and enjoy it! Eat lunch outside. Or eat lunch, period.
Any change will help, no matter how small, as long as it’s something that is positive and healthy. Basically, just do something good for yourself!
Action changes attitude, and over time small changes can add up to big improvement!
So keep putting one foot in front of the other and making small, subtle, positive shifts.
Your brain will learn to trust that it’s okay to try new things, and any anxiety about change will slowly start to lighten. New habits will form. You will feel freer as you begin to learn to trust yourself and the process.
TIP: Keep it small at first!
You can’t get from A-Z without taking that first step. No one achieves their goals overnight without training, effort, and commitment. Taking care of yourself is no different. Start small and then increase over time.
Aiming for leaps can sometimes set you back, because you may not have the skills or experience to succeed on a grand scale yet. We all know how easy it is for CSA survivors to spiral into self-doubt, self-criticism and depression. So don’t put yourself in that position.
Take it slow and set yourself up for success!
Baby steps work! First we crawl, then we scoot, then we teeter, then we walk, then we run!
Our mental health and wellness are the same. So keep it simple, and start with changes that you know are possible – for example, eating one healthy meal per week. It’s better than zero! And it’s doable!
So what are you waiting for?
Make a commitment to yourself to do something small today that will lighten your load just a tiny bit. It might be simply going to sleep early tonight. Or eating breakfast. Or calling a friend.
What can you do today that would make your life a little more beautiful?
Asha Lightbearer, Healer & Podcaster
Using psychic healing and intuitive guidance, I help women find their voices and become their own heroes. An authentic, empowered life after abuse is possible for those willing to embark on a journey of self-exploration and wellness. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it! Listen to my Totally Witchin’ podcast to get started!
PS. Check out my award-winning (Welcome Home) Fiona music video for CSA survivors too!